Why Relationships Are So Damn Hard When You’re Driven AF (And How to Fix It)

Let’s talk about the realest struggle that no one prepared us for:

Trying to nurture your most important relationships when your brain is screaming “OPTIMIZE EVERYTHING” and your Google Calendar is booked until 2032.

You’ve got vision.You’ve got drive.You’ve got a to-do list with sub-tasks and color codes and reminders to meditate (that you snoozed six times).

And somehow, in between building your dream life and keeping your nervous system from combusting—you’re also supposed to:

• Be emotionally available for your partner

• Text your mom back

• Show up for your friends

• Make small talk like a functioning human

  
  

WTF, right?

If you feel like you’re crushing your goals and kinda-sorta failing at human connection… welcome. You’re in the right place.

High Achievement: The Double-Edged Sword Nobody Warned Us About

Here’s the raw truth:High achievers are not wired like the average bear.

We’re visionary, obsessive, deeply committed to our growth—and sometimes emotionally unavailable, distracted AF, or straight-up avoidant.

Why? Because intimacy doesn’t come with metrics or KPIs.

Relationships are messy.

Unpredictable.

Vulnerable.

And they don’t always give you that immediate dopamine hit like checking off “Build Personal Brand Empire” from your Trello board.

So we say things like:

• “I’m just too busy right now.”

• “Once I hit this next goal, then I’ll have time.”

• “I love them… but I just need to focus.”

  
  

But months pass. Distance grows. And the people who love us start wondering if we love them back.

Oof.

How It Shows Up (AKA: The Relationship Red Flags We Don’t Like to Admit)

🚩 You cancel plans in the name of “productivity”... a lot.

And then wonder why you feel lonely at the top.

🚩 You treat quality time like another task to check off.

Romance shouldn’t feel like a quarterly performance review.

🚩 You get annoyed when loved ones “interrupt” your focus.

Even if it’s just to say hi. Or, you know, connect with you like a normal person.

🚩 You feel emotionally overwhelmed when someone needs more from you.

Because let’s be honest—your bandwidth is usually held together with caffeine and adrenaline.

Why It Matters (And Why You’re Not a Terrible Human)

You’re not broken. You’re just focused. And that’s not a flaw—it’s a superpower. But even superpowers have shadows.

Because no amount of success feels good if you’re celebrating it alone.

You weren’t meant to only build.You were meant to connect.To laugh.To feel.To be held—not just accountable, but emotionally.

Your ambition doesn’t have to cost you your people. But it does mean you’ve gotta be intentional about how you show up for them.

Okay, So How Do You Actually Make Relationships Work as a High Achiever?

Here’s what’s helped me (and a whole lot of other wildly driven, emotionally complex humans).

💡 1. Put connection on the calendar—without guilt.

You schedule workouts. You schedule Zoom meetings.Schedule your people.

Not because they’re tasks, but because they matter that much.

Set up:

• A standing date night

• Sunday check-ins with your mom

• A no-cancellation bestie brunch

  
  

Make it sacred. Make it stick.

💡 2. Name what’s hard, out loud.

Being honest is a relationship flex. Try:

• “I get tunnel vision with work, and I don’t want you to feel neglected.”

• “It’s hard for me to slow down, but I want to be here with you.”

• “I’m still learning how to balance ambition with presence.”

  
  

Vulnerability builds trust. And trust builds everything.

💡 3. Audit your energy like you audit your time.

Ask yourself:

• Who lights me up?

• Who drains me?

• Who do I miss, even if I’m pretending I don’t have time?

  
  

High achievers need relationships that feel like restoration, not obligation.

💡 4. Treat love like your legacy.

You’re building an empire, yes. But let love be part of it.

Let your people in. Into the process. The fear. The vision. The wins.Let them witness you.

Legacy isn’t just what you build. It’s who you build it with.

Final Truth Bombs (Because You Know I Can’t Help Myself):

💣 You don’t have to choose between ambition and intimacy.

💣 Your success doesn’t mean sh*t if you’re emotionally bankrupt.

💣 “I’m just bad at relationships” is a cop-out. You can learn. You can evolve.

💣 Love is not a distraction from your goals—it’s fuel for the journey.

So breathe.

Text them back.

Call your sister.

Cuddle your person.

Say “I’m sorry I’ve been in my own world.”

And then go back to changing the damn world.

You're allowed to be both: wildly ambitious and deeply connected.

❤️‍🔥

Sarah